Style Conversational Week 1414: YIP, YIP for 2021 The Empress of The Style Invitational on our Year in Preview contest International Olympic Committee President Thomas Bach last month at Tokyo's National Stadium, where plans are still on for a 2021 Olympics in July. We don't REALLY predict that Rudy Giuliani will crash the caldron-lighting ceremony, claiming the fire is being fueled by stolen Trump ballots, but that's what they're saying … International Olympic Committee President Thomas Bach last month at Tokyo's National Stadium, where plans are still on for a 2021 Olympics in July. We don't REALLY predict that Rudy Giuliani will crash the caldron-lighting ceremony, claiming the fire is being fueled by stolen Trump ballots, but that's what they're saying … (Behrouz Mehri/AP) By Pat Myers Dec. 10, 2020 at 5:05 p.m. EST Add to list Dave Barry will once again present his Year in Review — I believe it’ll run in the Dec. 27 Washington Post Magazine — and one easy prediction will be that it’ll be full of hilarious lines and running jokes for a not-so-hilarious year. But he’s going to have to one-up the lead for his 2019 YIR: It was an extremely eventful year. We are using “eventful” in the sense of “bad.” It was a year so eventful that every time another asteroid whizzed past the Earth, barely avoiding a collision that would have destroyed human civilization, we were not 100 percent certain it was good news. It was Dave’s annual chronicle that inspired Malcolm Fleschner, a Longtime Loser who currently is a producer for the online lefty channel The Young Turks, to take the same format into the future: a Year in Preview, for Culture Schlock, his humor column that used to appear in the San Jose Mercury News, which was one of the nation’s major newspapers until it was stripped down to its skivvies by the hedge fund that bought it. (Late-breaking news: Malcolm has brought back Culture Schlock just this week on the freelance platform Substack. I’m glad he didn’t do a Year in Preview!) AD And in turn, I ripped off Malcolm’s idea back in 2010, for a Loser-sourced YIP, and then again in 2017, at that point putting it on the must-do December contest calendar through the entire past administration, inviting Malcolm to do the examples. We’re a week late this year, actually; the results will run online Jan. 7, which means you probably don’t want to tell us what’ll happen on Jan. 1. For guidance and inspiration and of course laughs, here’s some ink from the previous years, along with links to the full lists: Week 898, 2010 (text version of complete results here): Winner of the Inker: April 11: President Obama begins a Rose Garden news conference by saying he loves spring and April is his favorite month. Bill O’Reilly fumes that Obama’s clear hatred of December is part of the War on Christmas, while Glenn Beck ominously reminds his viewers that Hitler was born in April. (Arthur C. Adams) AD Jan. 24: Rep. Michele Bachmann is removed from the Intelligence Committee when a vacancy occurs on the Stupidly Offensive Committee. (Ira Allen) March 15: WikiLeaks posts a classified document revealing that House Speaker John Boehner hides diced onions in his handkerchief. (Roy Ashley) April 1: Despite a slight breeze for most of the afternoon, not a single Pepco customer loses power. (Marty McCullen) From December 2017, Week 1264: Complete results April 28: In the seventh round, the Minnesota Vikings draft an end zone choreographer out of Juilliard. (Howard Walderman) Feb. 2: Punxsutawney Phil predicts an early end to winter. The White House immediately accuses him of “promoting a fake global-warming agenda” and cancels Groundhog Day. (John Hutchins) April 29: Following the administration’s decision to shrink the Bears Ears National Monument by 85 percent, Navajo elders rename it Trumps Hands Park. (Frank Osen) AD And the winner of the Lose Cannon: Oct. 12: Columbus, Ohio, renames itself Genocidal European, Ohio. (Steve Honley) From Week 1311, December 2018: complete results June 6: The nation celebrates the 75th anniversary of D-Day. The president forgoes the trip to Normandy, citing jaw spurs. (Daniel Helming, Trenton, N.J.) Nov. 6: Beto O’Rourke loses election for dogcatcher, but his rousing concession speech vaults him to the lead in Democratic presidential primaries. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) Feb. 11: Post Malone wins a Grammy for best mumbled-word album. (Jeff Contompasis) Sept. 22: The National Council of Teachers of English disbands after a violent battle over inserting a comma into MeToo. (Ira Allen, Bethesda) And the complete results of Week 1361, 2019: Fourth place: April 23: Focusing on players who will be seeing the most action, the Redskins draft punters in the first three rounds. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) AD Third place: Aug. 19: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has double knee replacement surgery after spending day after day praying for the president. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio) Second place: Sept. 8: “(Amazon founder and chief executive Jeff Bezos owns The Washington Post)” appears for the 1 millionth time in The Washington Post. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: May 16: Concerns about covert pressure on Ukraine flare up anew when President Volodymyr Zelensky, reading from a script, calls Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) Jan. 7: Members of the National Pedantic Society wrap up a week of reminding people that the next decade technically doesn’t start until next January. (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.) Jan. 20: To prove he is not prejudiced against people of color, President Trump invites this year’s winners of all five major beauty pageants to the White House for a meet-and-grab. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) AD Feb. 2: The New England Patriots win another Super Bowl, aided by a mind control device surreptitiously implanted in the opposing quarterback’s helmet. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) Feb. 2: Stephen Miller sees his shadow, realizes too late he’s exposed to sunlight, and turns to dust. (Gary Crockett) Feb. 9: Emilia Clarke brings her dragon to the Oscars and commands it to set the stage ablaze as revenge for not getting a Best Actress nomination for “Last Christmas.” (Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.) Feb. 17: Following his annual physical, President Trump reports that he weighs 180, has a BMI of 23 and had a “perfect” Pap smear. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) March 21: Trump demands an investigation into who ate his strawberries. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) April 8: Exactly one year after his song reached No. 1, Lil Nas X discovers that he can’t no more. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) AD April 14: Attorney General William Barr travels to Albania, Paraguay and Burkina Faso as part of his evolving strategy to investigate the investigation of the investigators investigating the investigators of the investigated. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) April 21: Instead of putting Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill, Trump announces his plan to issue a $3 bill featuring his own visage. (Burt Freiman, East Amherst, N.Y.) May 2: A horse whose name was chosen from the 2017 list of Style Invitational “foals” wins the Kentucky Derby. (Steve Fahey, Olney, Md.) May 8: On V-E Day, the Justice Department reveals that the Nazis were based not in Germany, but in Ukraine. (Gary Crockett) June 18: The Republican National Committee buys 300,000 copies of Donald Trump Jr.’s new book, “Nepotism for Dummies.” (Mark Raffman) AD June 27: President Trump officially declares his son a baron, because somebody said he couldn’t. (Dottie Gray, Alexandria, Va.) July 3: Donald Trump announces that, in lieu of the U.S. Olympic team, the United States will be represented in Tokyo by Rudy Giuliani. (Duncan Stevens) July 4: Trump’s “greatest fireworks show in the history of the world” concludes with nuclear detonations offshore from Mar-a-Lago. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) July 7: George and Kellyanne Conway leave each other for Mary Matalin and James Carville. (Steve Honley, Washington) July 14: At the Democratic National Convention, Nancy Pelosi looks stunned when someone suggests that she’s had enough facelifts. (Jon Ketzner) July 16: Phase 2 of Metro’s Silver Line finally opens, but the first train tragically collides with some low-altitude airborne swine. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) AD Aug. 13: In Chillicothe, Ohio, the first recorded use occurs of a surly eighth-grader saying “Okay, millennial” to his mom. (Jesse Rifkin) Aug. 26: Trump arrives onstage 10 minutes late for his speech at the Republican National Convention. A campaign aide later explains that Trump was busy flushing his toilet 15 times. (Duncan Stevens) Sept. 8: Justin Fairfax is forced to resign as Virginia’s lieutenant governor after yearbook photos show him wearing whiteface at a party while dressed as Michael Jackson. (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.) Sept. 15: Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez demands that Cleveland’s NFL team be renamed the Persons of Color. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) Sept. 21: In another interview with the BBC, Prince Andrew admits to being pals with Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, R. Kelly, Roman Polanski and Jeffrey Dahmer. Andrew says again, “I admit fully that my judgment was probably colored by my tendency to be too honorable.” (Jon Ketzner) Oct. 2: Having brought peace to the Middle East, Jared Kushner moves on to finding a cure for cancer. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park) Oct. 11: Mike Pence acknowledges that he is gray. (David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.) Oct. 15: Variety announces that Tom Hanks will star in the new biopic about Tom Hanks. (Jon Ketzner) Oct. 21: Mike Pence, accompanied by his wife, has a conference with Nancy Pelosi. (Selma Ellis, Rolling Meadows, Ill.) Nov. 13: In an ad for Weight Watchers, Sir Mix-a-Lot admits that he can and was lying. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.) Nov. 26: In an attempt at cultural diversity, the Hallmark Channel presents its first Diwali movie, about a big-city woman who tries to buy Christmas lights in a small town near Mumbai. (Bruce Alter) Dec. 8: Trump fatally shoots a Macy’s Santa on Herald Square. But the stock market hits a new high the same day, so Republicans say that while regrettable, it’s not an impeachable offense. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) Dec. 12: In the fourth quarter of the Army-Navy Game, President Trump pardons the Army middle linebacker for unnecessary roughness. (Frank Mann, Washington) Dec. 26: Press secretary Stephanie Grisham reports that, for the fourth year in a row, the White House menorah has stayed lighted for 16 days. (Bruce Alter) The Invitational, invaluable intellectual resource that it is, does not present The Post’s only Year in Preview. Outlook, the Sunday opinion section, also does an annual YIP, inviting several of its writers and columnists “to think about the big stories, themes and questions that we’ll look back on this time next December.” And so last year’s installment (see the fun graphic), dated Dec. 26, 2019, wasn’t so much prediction as telling people what’s already planned for the coming year. Steven Zeitchik, the entertainment business reporter, marked the upcoming debuts of various new streaming services, such as Peacock and HBO Max, and noted that there’d be lots of new material coming out of Netflix, Hulu et al. But it would have been cooler had he said: “Netflix will gain 16 million subscribers in the space of three months because no one can go anywhere, and the nation will become obsessed with the fortunes of a mulleted, possibly murderous big-cat rancher who calls himself Joe Exotic.” Economics reporter Heather Long couldn’t have been expected to begin her sentence “Barring a pandemic that will kill 300,000 Americans and turn every workplace and retail outlet into a vector of death …” when she said, “The general expectation is that the longest expansion in U.S. history, which began in mid-2009, will last at least one more year.” Tony Romm got it just about right with this: “And if Trump loses the White House, the pressure will mount: Democratic contenders, especially Sen. Elizabeth Warren, have promised to unwind some of the mergers … such as Facebook’s purchases of the photo-sharing app Instagram and the messaging platform WhatsApp.” Warren isn’t measuring the Oval Office drapes, but just yesterday, Romm reported the news of the FTC plus 48 state attorneys general filing antitrust suits, the FTC explicitly asking that Facebook be forced to sell of Instagram and WhatsApp. Sports columnist Barry Svurluga noted Washingtonians’ strange feeling in 2019 of having multiple championship teams — the Nationals! The Capitals! The Mystics! For football, not so much. But: Though the team wouldn’t drop its name of Redskins till July — and though The Post still routinely used it — Svurluga clearly had decided that he wouldn’t use the slur himself: “It must be noted that the football team exists in a different reality, separate from the rest. It’s as if the expectations for Washington sports have been turned around — with the football team left behind. What awaits that outfit in 2020 — a new coach, for sure, and perhaps even new leadership above him — will be monitored closely.” Then, a month before sponsors’ pressure finally forced Horrible Owner Dan Snyder to cave, Svurluga wrote a column headlined “The Redskins’ name is the shameful statue of the NFL. Tear it down.” Fall-acies*: The autumn fictoids of Week 1410 This would have been the headline on this week’s results until I realized that about a dozen people had suggested it. It was the final stop on our past year’s fake-fact tour of the seasons, thanks to the suggestion of Jeff Contompasis, who earns a thank-you gift of some virtual ice cream. I heard from a relatively small group of 142 Losers who combed the fall season for jokes on Thanksgiving, Halloween, pumpkin spice, leaf blowers, Oktoberfest, and the Four Seasons Total Landscaping Press Conference. It was a cornucopia of ink (hold it straight up, is my advice) for Steve Smith, who scored our second-ever Clowning Achievement trophy, as well as three honorable mentions, for his Civil War/ Goading for a Civil War joke. (Attention pedants: The telegram from Gen. Sherman to Lincoln actually was sent on Sept. 2, 1864. However, I decree that “fall” may encompass “meteorological fall.” Which begins Sept 1.) Steve, who’s listed in the Loser Stats as Steve “Potomac” Smith to distinguish him from the earlier, long-disappeared three-blotter Stephen “St. Mary’s City” Smith, gets his third Invite win since starting only in Week 1326, and he’s now up to 67 inks in all. On the other hand, our second-place guy this week, Steve Fahey, goes waaaay back to Week 104. Recently returned to Losing on a regular basis, Steve hits Ink No. 195 this week — and his 28th trip to the Losers’ Circle — with his groaner pun “Our mistress’ day.” On the other hand (we fortunately are very limb-er), it’s a First Offender in third place: that’s Erik Devereux, who explained that we didn’t know about that whole brood of fall cicadas because they sound exactly like leaf blowers. Erik gets his choice of Whole Fools bag or Loser Mug along with the Fir Stink for his First Ink. And to round out the Losers’ Circle with a cranberry sauce joke, it’s Jesse Frankovich, who gets to have symmetrical stats for at least a week: 15 wins, 14 second places, 14 thirds, and now 15 fourths. Marie Kondo has contacted me personally to plead that I not decrease Jesse’s joy by crowding his home with more crap. What Doug Dug: Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood “loved” (he doesn’t use that word much about Invite entries) Sam Mertens’s information that French trick-or-treaters get cigarettes; Steve Smith’s about Pocahontas “having a plan for that” to solve Jamestown’s food shortage; and Eric Nelkin’s fact that Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday will lead to Ransomware Wednesday. Doug also singled out Duncan Stevens’s fictoid about Lincoln’s much longer Gettysburg Address (“people little noted nor long remembered what he said”), Amanda Yanovitch’s “weasel on the golf course” and Ward Kay’s Colonial tradition of Someone Beating the Lions on Thanksgiving. Well, it’s time for the Ceremonial Singeing of My Hair — happy Hanukkah, everyone.